Now she is gone.
It was too much-her arthritis was worsening seemingly by the day, no matter how many drugs/supplements we threw at it. The cold was so very hard on her. As soon as we took her off the prednisone, tumors began appearing around her neck, and last week, she would often cough and was having trouble swallowing anything but the cooked chicken I made for her. Thursday night she woke me up many times with her cough. Friday morning she would only eat if I hand fed her. Kyle and I took her and the Goldens for a final walk, and then we took her to the vet in the afternoon.
She slipped away so peacefully. She was ready, just laying her head down and going to sleep. Of course, that's when I lost it; my dog was dying, and I was doing it to her. I howled like a banshee, but by then she was gone. It was the hardest thing I've ever done.
I know it was for the best, of course, I'm not delusional. Still, I miss her so, so much. She is in a place that I don't know. Is it even a place? I'm not with her. I can't keep her safe.
The Goldens know something is amiss. As I type, Lebowski is laying on the deck, looking out towards the backyard, looking for...something, I think. He rarely leaves my side.
Anyway, everyone has been wonderful, especially Kyle. I'm not posting this for sympathy comments, though of course I love hearing from anyone who reads me. I just wanted to write something for her, to acknowledge that she existed, lived, and was so, so loved.
Goodnight, Jones. Life will go on without you, yes, but it will not be the same. You were special. You were my girl.
It's a good thing we don't think too hard about the eventualities of our animal companions... how short they're time with us is when they're youngsters. We might never bring them into our lives in the first place. It really hurts to let them go.
ReplyDeleteYou gave your girl a wonderful life and a peaceful end. I hope her loss will get easier over time.
I remember when you first got Mojo... you took her in and gave her a life most dogs only wish they had! She was a good dog and she will be missed greatly. I'm sorry Sarah.
ReplyDeleteShe was beautiful. I'm so glad you guys had each other and I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. *hugs*
ReplyDeleteShe was a lucky girl to have you. You were a sweet mom to her, and best of all you knew when to make her pain go away. For that I am sure she is thankful. She is in a better place now and you will see her again- it shouldn't be any other way! I know that it is a hard time to go through. I was there when my first dog was put down and it literally was one of the hardest thing I've been through. They are apart of our family, they are apart of us, and no matter what they are always there. Its a hard time. You are allowed to feel sad, and you are allowed to cry. It'll feel better when you do. I am so sorry for your loss :(
ReplyDeleteSarah - I am so sorry to read this. Mojo was lucky to have you as you were to have her. She loved you and I am sure she was grateful that you helped her with this part of her journey. My thoughts are with you.
ReplyDeleteOh I am so sorry. :-( Wherever she is, I am sure she is in good company as so many of us have been through that heartbreak. *hugs*
ReplyDeleteI'm so so so sorry to hear about your sweet Mojo. I can only imagine how awful this must be for you. Ugh, it just tears at my heart strings! I know you're not out for sympathy posts, but I am truly sorry for your loss :(
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry. Just reading this made me cry, and I'm not a crier. You did amazing things for her and she loved you. Thank you for letting her go.
ReplyDeleteOh geez...y'all are very sweet.
ReplyDeleteThank you, everyone.
Oh Sarah, I'm just reading this now. I'm so sorry. I know Mojo was a special part of your family, as dogs often are. You gave her a wonderful life and chose the right time to let her go. I'm sure it's impossibly hard right now but just try and cherish what you had and know she is pain free now. I'm crying..I'm sorry..the pups are so dear to our lives so I feel your pain. xo
ReplyDeleteYour compassion and concern for your animals rings true through your comments and your actions. I'd wager anything that as thankful as you were for Mojo in your life - so she was for you. Take some time to celebrate your partnership and give yourself credit for how much you helped her. I try to tell myself that the sadness for our animals departures means that we did right by them in the first place. :) hugs.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry to hear about Mojo, I was definitely pulling for her and hoping she'd pull through. *many heart felt hugs* I know exactly how you're feeling. It's just so hard.
ReplyDeleteIt's always so, so hard to lose a pet, especially a dog. They are so much more than pets, it almost seems like 'pet' is a bad word to describe them. Mojo seemed like a very, very strong dog and I was hoping she would make it. I'm so, so sorry. She's in a better place... wherever that is.
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