Novemberish Musings

I haven't been riding too much in the last week...a couple quick rides on Miles, which have been fine, though nothing of note-of course that boy always leaves a smile on my face, no matter what. He's been extra cute on the ground, just super affectionate and adorable, pushing his big 'ol head into my chest, leaving more slobber streaks than usual in my hair, the works...maybe he's rewarding me for the light work load:) Sorry bubs, that has more to do with hunters in the woods, crappy weather and rock-hard indoor arena surfaces than your bountiful charms. I think I'll let him take the credit though:)

Or maybe he's showing off for a certain lady...or competing for treats and scratches, who can say? I've been working a lot with Miles and Chamie on the ground together, and I have no qualms about leading them together and ponying Chamie off of Miles when the time comes. They are really cute together and I'm so happy my kids don't just tolerate but really seem to enjoy each others' company. If they weren't such opposites on the hard-keeper/air-fern spectrum, they would be great turnout buddies.

Miles is still doing well with the little Arab mare he is out with, but Chamie has a less than warm and fuzzy relationship with LaShore, Miles' old turnout buddy (they have a bromance for sure, and this is the only instance where I've EVER used that "word"). Don't get me wrong, they will graze together and there has been no naughtiness from either party-and I'm super grateful for that. Still, LaShore is "the boss", and Chamie is very cool towards him; I have to stop her from marching right out of the gate (because he wants treatings too!) when I bring her in. If he comes toward us, even innocently (at least it looks that way to this human), her ears go back and she gets out of town, or really wants to. Nevertheless, I know she is happy to be out with a horse at all, and she's got 2 sweet mares on one side of her pasture and Miles and the Arab mare on the other. LaShore really is a sweetheart, and he's not chasing her or being a jerk in any way-they can share the same hay pile and everything. I guess I'm just not used to seeing my girl at the bottom, lolz:) I'll get over it-I know horses don't take these things personally.

Here, have some pictures:

Chamie all bundled up. It's been chilly, but not COLD (by Michigan standards, of course). This day was in the 30's. I'm really trying to keep blanketing to a minimum though-she still goes in a stall at night as well.



First turnout together! In the outdoor arena-of course, Chamie just wanted to go to town on whatever pathetic grass she could get her chompers on. Miles relented, after much spinning and running and showing off-when she barely raised an eyebrow, he sighed, lowered his head, and followed suit. It was pretty hilarious.



Cute Butts!!



More Butts!! I don't know what stance she is doing here-no fluids were forthcoming.



Not the most exciting picture of my boy, but look how BEEFY he is!!! His belly is actually round! And that butt! At this point I'm thinking I may be overly concerned with my horse's bum...and don't even get me started on how gorgeous his coat is. My big, black fake-stud gentleman:)

Check Up On Your Old Horse Day

Yep, I'm making this a thing.

This whole experience with Chamie has taught me so much and given me hours of "what-ifs" to think about.

First of all, as an aside, I've found I don't have an old, sweet pasture pet. I have an old, sweet, getting stronger and sounder by the day mare who still remembers all her aids and gave me a flawless walk-canter transition under saddle on Sunday. The smile on my face didn't leave until my cheeks hurt. She was moving so well on our first ride since she came home I thought, what the hell, let's see if she will do it. She moved out like a dream. I have witnesses, y'all!

Regardless, even if I didn't feel comfortable riding her ever again, I'm so, so glad she's home. She's so frigging happy, you guys-she came cantering to see me at the gate yesterday. Her eyes are bright and she's been moving OUT on the lunge. I found her trot (as opposed to her western shuffle or wev it was she was doing at the old barn). This is after a week of all day turnout...such a difference. She's actually out with LaShore, Miles' best bud-they are both easy keepers and it makes sense while the grass is still out. Miles is with another little arab mare(!) on a much larger, lusher pasture right next door to Chamie and LaShore so he can continue to keep his fine-ass round figure. If you had told me my fake stud could go out with a mare even 6 months ago I would have called you nutty. He truly has become a different horse. A gentleman, you might say.

Digressing over! The real reason I wanted to write this post is because I want to encourage you, since you're reading this, to follow up on an old horse that has made you the equestrian you are today. It doesn't have to be a horse you owned-maybe one you leased or rode in lessons or even just hacked out with casually. A horse that gave you SOMETHING-a horse that touched your life. A horse you have lost touch with. I want you to follow up on them even if you are in no position to take said horse IF such a solution is needed.

If I hadn't kept tabs on Chamie, I don't know that she wouldn't have been put down...in her condition, it actually would not have been the worst thing, either. The thing is, even if I couldn't have taken her, I would had done my damnedest to network and find a home for her, even temporarily. I have enough connections in the community I'm pretty sure I could have found a place.

I wish her barn owners had told me years ago (or whenever shit started to go downhill as far as her care) that she was rotting in a stall all day, every day, even if her owner wouldn't relinquish her just then. I would have gone out at least once or twice a week to groom her, walk her, pay for basic hoof trimmings. I wish I had followed up when they didn't respond to my email a little less than a year ago. I wish I had gone to see her once a year (I always did have a standing invite to do so). I wish I wish I wish.

So, again, I want to challenge all of you to do so. Shoot an email, make a phone call. Make sure the horse that carted you around and taught you how to ride is ok. Make sure that horse that won you your first blue ribbon isn't being neglected. EVEN if you are in no position to do anything financially to help if, god forbid, things are not as they should be. The horse world is filled with caring souls, and most of us are on the interwebs. At the very least, you can do what I would have done had I known, yet not been able to buy Chamie back; visit the horse, give attention and love, and give BACK to these horses that have given us so much. Let the owner know you are HERE, and you care. Even if, hopefully, everything is fine now, it can make all the difference down the road.

I know it's scary. We don't want to know things are not as they should be. It hurts LIKE HELL to find out things are not right. I realize I may sound a little self-righteous writing this..."Lookit me, I saved my old horse, now YOU all do it too!" Please believe me when I say that this has nothing to do with me. One of the things I can't get out of my head are all the other Chamies out there....in far worse condition than she was. Almost every horse (well, ok, the lucky ones) has a person who loved them, learned from them, cared for them, bonded with them. While it shouldn't be up to that person to rescue or help such a horse they haven't seen in years, sometimes there IS no one else.

I'm willing to bet that if you do follow up with your special horse, things are just as they should be-maybe the horse is still in light work, or retired properly, or was given a dignified death; that piece of mind is worth everything. If things are not as they should be? You can always do SOMETHING, however small, to help.

Do it. Do it soon. There is no way you will regret it.

Weeks before Chamie said Peace Out to her old life. I don't see this sad face anymore.

Follow The Leader

Having my two kids, Chamie and Miles, in one barn FINALLY has been so fabulous. Excepting her third night home, when she tried to kill herself by choking on her dry alfalfa cubes (which I had given to her 20 times previously with no issues), Cham has settled in fabulously, and she looks to be healthy and happy.

Two days ago I decided to try leading my two beasts together in hopes that I can start ponying Chamie off Miles during our warm ups and cool downs. I still haven't ridden her since she's been home, but I will-the weather has not exactly been cooperative (SNOW today, cripes). Anyway, it went really well. Miles is interested in her of course, but not disrespectful. When he gets a little too close or lags behind (totally NOT intentional, I'm sure, har har) to sniff her butt, a squeal from Cham and a good tug from me sets him straight. We walked all over the farm and I let them graze side by side, and they were perfect.

Yesterday, the wind was insane, so Miles was quite up and decided to act a fool on a couple of occasions-still, he was kind enough to spook or freak out away from us, which is exactly what he needs to do to keep everyone safe, so I was super proud of him. I'm hoping to try ponying in the next week or so. I found Chamie ties well to the area wall while I work with Miles. My studly thoroughbred, on the other hand? Not a fan. Oh well-something to work on in these dark frigid days. In the Spring, I'm hopeful I can take both my horses down the trail-I think it will give Miles and I both a lot of confidence to have a steady eddy along with us.

In craptastic weather news, I broke down and blanketed both my kids today as it's going to be cold cold cold until Saturday or so. Sigh. Welcome to winter.

No pictures, because I suck. Miles really is ridiculously handsome these days though. He weighs more than he has since I adopted him 2 years ago (one of his girths has stopped fitting!). His coat is black and beautiful. He's moving wonderfully, and I will continue to give all my love to SmartPak's SmartFlex Senior which I think has made a huge difference-Chamie is on it now as well. My farrier is encouraging me to consider shoes for him in the Spring, since he doesn't have a lot of concavity in his feet. Still, I think the Durasole helps, and unless I ride him on gravel he moves wonderfully...I don't know. We will see. I know his feet aren't perfect, but they don't crack, aren't shelly, and his heels and frogs look great. Maybe I'll post some pictures soon to get some opinions.

So, there's my not so exciting update for November. I'm waiting to hear on a job that I had 2 interviews for and I really, really want, so I'm trying to enjoy these days with my ponies while I can. Optimism rules! :)

*Deep Breaths*

Whew...

So after keeping my organization in limbo for approximately 5 months, the State, in its infinite wisdom, has "officially" decided to de-fund us for fiscal year 2012 as of September 15th. My last day at work is Friday. Nice notice, right?

I (and my co-workers) pretty much knew this was coming, but there was that glimmer of hope that everything would be ok and funding would come through. Not to be. I've been with that organization since it started, from the ground up, 7 years of blood and sweat and tears, wah wah woe is me.

I've sent out about 10 resumes in the last 3 weeks or so. I got my first rejection email this morning, for extra bonus awesome!

Anyway, I'll continue searching, obviously. I'll collect unemployment (which is about half of what I was making). Kyle and I are cutting back even more than we were before, and we will be ok for a little while. I'll get some time to decompress from this shitty limbo-state of uncertainty, wash some horse blankets, get the yard ready for winter, and of course lots of this:

Such a handsome head.

It's not all bad. Kyle says to focus on finding what will make me happy. I've heard the saying, "Do what you love, and the money will follow." It's a nice thought, but I'm so disillusioned with the economy in this State I don't know. I'm worried I'll end up taking something I hate because, um, we need dollars. Worse I won't even be able to find a job I hate that pays what I was making, and I'll end up working at Speedway. (Aside: If I have to work for 8 bucks an hour, I'd rather at least work around animals; a pet store or something. I'm actually really fascinated by animal nutrition and pet care, having owned just about anything with fur at one point or another, and I don't think it would be horrible.) The rejection letter I got? Says they received hundreds of resumes for this one position. It's tough out there.

Dark days.

Of course, leave it to Miles to be my bright light. He has been working so, so beautifully the last couple of weeks. Friday and Saturday I took him over cross rails for the first time in a month or so. We've both missed them and it sure injected more joy into our ride. Saturday I raised the rails up so the middle was just under 2 feet. I know, I know, we're CA-RAAAZY! It was fun to feel him actually use himself to jump though-thank goodness I had the presence of mind to grab mane the first couple of times. He's so adorably pleased with himself when he does a good job, too. Love my boy. How can any situation be all bad when I get to drive out to see this more often?

Lolz My Armchair Lameness Diagnosis

I thought Miles was footsore. Footing in the arena got better, I put him in boots, and he was still...not right. Better, but not right. He didn't limp, or trip, but he wasn't striding out like he can, even after he had warmed up.

Then, last weekend, he flinched every time I touched his left hip/croup area. Didn't matter if it was my fingertips or a brush, he would suck in and flinch like a fly was landing on him.

Cue me freaking out, thinking he has some kind of muscular issue, emailing everyone I know in the area for equine massage/chiropractic professional referrals.

Tuesday...no flinching or weirdness about the area at all. Huh. What I DID find-deep cracks in his frogs, all 4. Yay, Sarah. You rock.

I swear I'm vigilant about thrush, but it's been soooooo dry here lately I hadn't even considered it. I pick his hooves religiously, but the outside was so "tough" and dry I didn't probe like I should have. When we had one day of rain around here a few days ago, it softened up his frog enough that I saw there were actual cracks there, and lo, they were deep. And, it turns out, quite sore, when I pushed a hoofpick in there.

Arg.

Miles is getting treated, of course. I use "Pete's Goo", which is a 1:1 combination of antibiotic ointment and jock itch or athlete's foot cream (SO fun buying at the dollar store!). His feet are already looking better after one treatment.

Moral of the story? Your first instinct is usually right, never put it past a horse to throw SOMETHING at you to make you spend way more money than you need to, and always, ALWAYS, probe your horse's frog for cracks, no matter how tough they look on the outside.

Masked (and one un-masked) ponies, looking adorable in the late afternoon sun. Miles says, "Whut?"

A Break

I have this week off of work (first time since last September-it doesn't seem like that long when I write it, but so much has happened at work and elsewhere...let's just say this is very much needed). Naturally, I wanted to spend as much time as possible at the barn before we leave for the beautiful Upper Peninsula tomorrow.

Whoops, too bad this last weekend was so frigging cold that the barn owner emailed everyone and told us there were shivering, miserable horses at the barn, and could we please come out and blanket the horses on pasture board if needed? Sweet Judy than called me in the morning and told me not to panic, that Miles was in the shelter and NOT one of the shivering masses, but would not come down to eat his breakfast. Because she is all kinds of awesome, she brought the hay to him and LaShore, and prevented me from panicking since I slept in and walked the dogs without checking my messages. ANYWAY, I went out to the barn, of course, but riding was out of the question. Thanks Michigan!

Yesterday was windy but otherwise gorgeous, so I went out to the barn all a-quiver about getting back in the saddle-this despite the fact that I was slightly hungover from seeing the best rock and roll front-man of all time (that would be Mr. Greg Dulli) in his band The Twilight Singers the night before. Apparently the alcohol sucked out all my sense out as well, because I totally forgot I had taken my boots out of my "barn bag" over the weekend, and was wearing only these half tennis shoes/half mule things that are basically just ugly and not practical for anything. They are SO worthless that they got sucked off in the mud in the grazing pasture, forcing me to walk out to retrieve my horse IN MY FRIGGING SOCKS. Winning.

Today, finally, my ass met the saddle! It was cold and windy, and he was Up Up Up, but very forward and obedient once he stopped looking at everything. We worked on transitions and canter on both leads (mostly successfully, which I call good considering all his time off). It was a lovely, short ride, and he did everything I asked. I smooched on him profusely and told him how much I was going to miss him for the next few days. Then he left a big goober in my hair. Ahhh, love.

Afterward, I had a massage (begone, defective sciatica!!), and got my hair cut and colored (dark red and blond highlights). Tomorrow we leave with the dogs for hopefully a couple of days of R and R by the lake.

See you soon! Kiss your ponies for me. Beware of goobers.

New Hairs! Sans Goobers (mostly).

Pony Moovies

In light of the fact that I have nothing of note to write about in the Miles department (he is lovely, as always, but what rides we're getting in are short and/or unremarkable-still he has kept me sane. I love him more than ever for just being the sweetheart that he is for me when I need to just *be* with him sometimes.), I thought, what better thing to write about on these rainy days than our favorite horse movies? Oh, I have so many...most are cheesy and horrible movies by cinematic standards, but they all make me smile. Below is a sampling of my best of.

Horse movie that's kinda mainstream and I will always watch when it's on TNT or USA or whatever...Something To Talk About, starring Julia Roberts, Robert Duvall (who appears to do his own riding, including jumping!) and Dennis Quaid. It's mostly about a couple working through infidelity in their marriage, but I will admit I'll watch Julia in just about anything, and when the backdrop is a big-time jumper barn in the South? I'm so there. A close second is Far And Away, for the last 45 minutes of the race for Oklahoma Territory...lots of amazing footage of people riding and driving fast horses. I'm going to throw Tombstone in there because it's my favorite modern Western, and also, young Val Kilmer as Doc Holiday. Yes indeedy.

Best racing movies...Seabiscuit and Secretariat. No explanation needed-both critically acclaimed and cutting-edge in their depictions of horse racing. Also probably the best overall movies of the bunch here. Except for...

The Black Stallion is in a class by itself. Its cinematic qualities are unparalleled. Also unparalleled? Its ability to make me bawl like a baby at the end, every single time. I also love the music in this movie.

Movie from my childhood I love, but can never, ever watch again due to its tragic ending? Phar Lap, tale of the great Australian race horse. That's all I want to say about that.

Two movies I watched dozens, if not hundreds of times during my childhood, despite their horrible acting, plot lines, and general ridiculousness. Danny, about a young girl who falls in love with a rich girl's cast-away pony, and Lightning, the White Stallion, about a French girl who, I don't know, somehow ends up riding a stolen horse in a big Grand Prix show (pay no attention to the fact that the horse in the show is a completely different color than Lightning, oy). There is blindness and stepfather issues and a goofy-but-sweet-boy problem. Also, Micky Rooney! Who has a gambling issue. Lolz, I know:)

So, those are my favorites. If you have some time to kill, look up the last two on You Tube-I'm pretty sure you can watch them both in their entirety. Poor horse-crazy kids today...what movies do they have? And what are your favorites?

Wrapped Around His...Hoof?

Is it weird to be in love with your horse? Like, a year and a half after I adopted him, to be more excited to work with him and ride him then ever before? Well, maybe...but I guess I don't care. When everything else in my life seems topsy-turvy, going to the barn to work my big bay Thoroughbred is the highlight of my day more often then not.

We've only had a few rides since the clinic, and those have been pretty low-key, and pretty lovely. He's moving better then ever, and I'm trying to take everything I learned in those 50 minutes last Saturday (not to mention the pictures from the clinic) and incorporate them into our work.

Mostly thought? I'm getting this itch to ride outside, around the property and down the trails. Miles has risen to every challenge I've presented him with, and I have no doubts at all he's going to make a splendid trail horse one day. As soon as the weather clears up (don't even talk to me about the weather today), I'm taking my big boy and we are hitting those trails, with or without a partner. My confidence in him-in us-grows more and more each time I see him.

Ah, love. That's what it's all about, right?

She can't resist me.

Not Dead...

Though I've got nothing, to be honest. This week was gawd awful on a number of fronts. However, it's over! My birthday is later this week, and winter can't last forever. Right?

Thursday I tried the Dr. Cook's bitless bridle on Miles that a boarder lent me, and he seemed to love it. I didn't ride with it, but I did lots of flexing and groundwork so we could both get used to this new device before I get on. Miles didn't bat an eye, and was pretty responsive; I really dig the "face hugging" aspect of the bridle, and Miles was very relaxed when I applied pressure and asked him to give. Even when it took him a couple seconds to respond, his head stayed low and he was never anxious. Can't wait to ride him in it this week.

Aside from a couple quick rides, I also lunged Miles over a couple small verticals. He's getting much better about adjusting his canter stride before an obstacle, instead of breaking into a trot over the jump if he doesn't get there just right. I can tell he enjoys this type of lunging much more than our normal routine...he just loves learning and doing new things. I hope he never, ever loses that attitude.

If I'm not careful, though, at this rate he's going to be in great shape while I bounce around on him like a pasty sack of potatoes. I've got to push myself more under saddle this week.

I'm posting this picture for myself, and anyone else who needs to remember that one day, the grass will be green and the days will be warm. I can't WAIT to see Miles' coat bleach out again, no joke.

Back To Regularly Scheduled Programming....

Thanks for everyone's comments in the last week or so. Still don't know the outcome of my job, and won't for a month (VERY optimistic) to several months, which is frustrating as well. Nevertheless, onward and upward and all that! I don't want to talk about our depressing financial realities right now.

Let us talk about my sweet pony boy. I've been able to ride only once a week for the last month, which is so not good. Sickness (my own), weather (Snow is now a 4 letter word..I'm just done), and a general lack of giving-a-shit are to blame. With March knocking at the door, however, and the clinic at the end of the month-which I'm doing despite economic anxieties-that all has to change.

So, goals! I hear people sometimes set them, and even achieve them occasionally! Here are mine for the next month:

1) Ride at least 2 times a week, preferably of course 3 or even 4 (crazy talk!)...Miles should work (lunge or ride) 3, preferably 4 days a week. If I have a light riding week I need to do something more physically demanding than walking the dogs, although in ALL THIS FRIGGING SNOW some days that's definitely an aerobic workout. I've got the balance ball (with an exercise booklet...turns out it's good for more than just sitting!), I've got this workout for equestrians DVD I've never used, I've got a pilates DVD...I have the means, is what I'm saying. Time to use them.

2) When I DO ride, I need to have a goal for us, based on our previous ride. For instance, this weekend, Miles continued to be obsessed with the damn door leading in and out of the indoor arena. I know this is fairly common, but I need to address it, rather than just riding in 3/4ths of the arena like I did on Sunday. He's funny-he's not trying to be bad, he's just so INTERESTED in what's out there (there's a big expanse of field you can see, which is a view he never gets otherwise). Of course, he also wants to see if anyone is coming in to join us:) The giraffe neck, along with a total break in concentration, not to mention the tense body and potential for spooking thing is getting old, though. I'm going to lunge him in that corner (I lunge him for a few minutes before every ride anyway), and once I'm on him do lots of leg-yielding in that area to get his attention on something else and get him supple and bending. I can't worry about every little frigging spook, either. If he does, so what? I can handle it.
I know I should just shut the damn door already, but that feels like cheating.

3) During each ride, I need to build up my strength as well. I've already told Miles that I would really appreciate it if he could pack me around and be the Prettiest Lesson Pony Ever for 10 to 15 minutes each ride at the trot, so I can focus on my position and experiment with sitting trot and trot without stirrups. During this time I'm not going to worry about Miles at all, so long as he's going where I ask him to. So far he's been really great at being my Thoroughbred Packer. Who knew?

4) I need to work more on picking up our right lead. I've been riding so inconsistently that I've just been avoiding it altogether. I still lunge him on that lead, but I haven't had the will to work on it under saddle. To the left, he's been great, though, again, because we're just not working much at all, I'm not doing a ton of canter work, period.
Miles is a fantastic horse. There's no reason not to work more on this, particularly as we both get stronger. So what if we pick up the wrong lead sometimes initially? I need to get back to at least trying. Also, that' s partly what the clinic is for, to help us with that issue.
It also may not even BE much of an issue. He's looked amazing on the lunge, and has no problems at all picking up both leads correctly then. Considering how little I've been working him, that's pretty rad. He's also felt pretty amazing under saddle, somehow.

5) Finally, after a week or two of consistent work, try the Myler bit. I finally ordered a super cheap bridle from Valley Vet for the hackamore, so I can put the bit on my nicer padded bridle. Now, we may very well switch back if Miles still decides he hates hates hates it, but I have to try. Our initial ride with the bit is also going to be very easy-peasy, with little contact or demands from either of us. It's been so very long since he's had any metal in his mouth, I'm interested to see what his reaction will be. Bonus goal-if we have time to try the bitless Dr. Cook bridle that a fellow boarder has offered to loan us for a ride or two. I'd like to use something besides a hackamore for the clinic, if at all possible. Miles has always been great about letting me know how comfortable and happy he is (or is not) in his work, so I hope it will be easy to read him when using new equipment as well.

So that's my list for March. Not there? Work over cross rails. I'd love to pop over a couple, maybe, perhaps, but we'll have all spring and summer for such fun. I'd also like to get some rides in outside in the snow, which we STILL haven't done much of-though I'm not going to feel bad about that as the footing has been horrible.

We need to go back to basics right now, and getting ready for this clinic at the end of March is the perfect reason. It's not exciting work, (not to mention a snooze-fest of a read, my apologies) but I'm still looking forward to it:)

Here, have a gratuitous photo of Miles walking in the snow on a beautiful day. The only thing that's missing is me on his back.

If you've read this far, thanks for indulging me. What about you? What are your goals for the coming month?

So, Horses Poop Money, Right?

Oh, wait, no, they EAT it. That's why they call them hay-burners. Some may be more productive than others, but they are all hay-burners when it comes down to it.

Sorry. I'm having a little pity party over here. My husband has been laid off. Today I found out the Governor of Michigan wants to eliminate my organization. It still has to go through the Legislature, but...I'm kind of freaking out right now.

It will be ok. It will be ok. It will be ok.

Right?

God, this State really is the pits. I can't even defend it anymore. My husband and I are both educated people, who have worked our entire lives...yet one of us is collecting unemployment, and I may be joining him.

Sorry, I'm just going to whine for one night. I'm just so....aggravated. My organization is State funded, yes, but it is PITTANCE compared to the tax loopholes that still exist for corporations. I work with, and help, the poorest of the poor, who have illnesses and disabilities you wouldn't wish on your worst enemies. We're damn good at what we do, and we save the State millions of dollars because the people we serve don't end up in nursing homes.

Whew. Anyway. Not a great day. Miles is pretty amazing, but I don't think we're ready to take our act on the road for dollar bills:) Still, he can earn his keep just by being there for me while we navigate this...depressing financial time in our lives. I've already promised him he won't suffer for it. If he wants to lend an ear, though, or just be a good boy for the next few weeks, I sure could use it.

A Rambling and Belated Valentine to my OTTB

Oh, everyone else is doing it, so why not? It's obvious I can't shut up about my horse at this point.

Y'all know I love my Miles, right? I've blabbered on and on about him in numerous posts already. Still, thanks to the Literary Horse and Valentine's Day, I've got yet another reason to do so...and really, I'll take any excuse I can get, let's face it.

First, let me say, I was one of the last horse people on Earth to finally watch the movie Secretariat this weekend. I was reluctant to watch it in the theater because I knew I would be a big blubbery mess spouting big blubbery tears all over those around me. So, I chose to watch it in my home, where the only witnesses would be my husband and our furry family.

Loved the movie, like everyone else. It was a little too Disney-like, but I expected that. Diane Lane was great-she sure liked to deliver mini-speeches, but she was great. The racing shots were amazing...the best I've seen yet. It was so cool watching the Belmont, when I knew what was going to happen, and my sweet husband (who also really liked the movie) was clueless. I could only say to him...just wait. Then we went to the Internet (because we are nerds) and watched the actual race from 1973. Just awesome.

Oh, hey...Valentine to my horse, right? I brought up the movie for a reason. As much as I loved it, and it tried to capture what we love about horses...it really didn't touch the reality of it. You know what? No movie can. Every time they would zoom into Secretariat's face (as gorgeous as all the horses that played him were) to show how...I don't know...wise he was, or how much heart he had, or how he understood what someone was saying to him...I couldn't see it. The horses were pretty, but they weren't conveying anything to me...at least not what I see in my horse, or what ANY of us see in our own. The Secretariat horses can only show so much, I suppose...I'd love to see Tyra Banks tell one of them to "smile with their eyes", for example:)

Still, one of the things I love so much about Miles is I know exactly where I stand with him. If he's looking at me, I swear I know exactly where his head is these days. Part of that is being together for a year and 4 months, but it's also just Miles-he has no pretense, no coyness-he plays no games. I can't tell you how refreshing that is, when I deal with human beings at my job with all kinds of issues and conflicts, and I have to sometimes sort out what's what. None of that with My Boy.

Also, I can't lie...I love the fact that I own an ex-racehorse. It's cool to tell people (well, non-horse people, who ohhh and ahhh and don't know all the other fun stuff that comes with an ex-racer) yeah, but I also love that Miles has athleticism and endurance and speed bred into him over generations and generations. After I adopted him, I went to Equibase and paid whatever their monthly fee is to be able to see my horse, my sweet Miles, as Masarin-a racing machine who came from last place to beat 5 other horses by 8 lengths at Golden Gate Fields. Of course I would love him the same if he had never raced, or had never won a race. Still, I don't think his love of work with me is unrelated to his award as Co-Champion Miler in Chile (whatever that is). He is GAME, this horse. So game.

We had a rocky start, I've said more than once here. Looking back, it was 100% without a doubt my own fault and ignorance. Miles needed time, space, and security...and when we finally were ready to start working together, he needed leadership. I thought I was giving him that, but really, I was disappointed that he was taking so long to settle in...that he wasn't the same horse at ALL that I saw at New Vocations...that he seemed to be a stud without balls that was only interested in other horses, yet couldn't be trusted to be turned out with geldings or mares...on and on. In reality, I placed lots of totally unrealistic expectations on an OTTB I had little background information on...the fact that I lost Ebony a month previous was certainly not helping.

Because he is amazing, Miles forgave me my impatience, and once he felt secure in his turnout/stall situation, I could almost see him exhale, turn to me, and say, "OK, this place is safe. You're kind of clueless, but you mean well, and I'm willing to give you a shot. Now what should we do?"

I can't express in words how happy and grateful I am that this amazing animal continues to give me the benefit of the doubt as we navigate our lives together. I've blabbered on and on about him on this blog before (yeah, pretty sure I should have subtitled it "An Ode to My Horse". I still might;). Still, that's what Valentine's Day is for, right?

I still miss Chamie, and I wish I would have held on to her, and appreciated her for the perfect first horse she was. I miss Ebony, and I will always, always be grateful for her teachings, and for the bond we had...I get really sad when I think about where we could be now. These girls will always be my Valentines, forever.

Miles, however, has my heart now, and he will be with me as long as he and I are on this Earth.

Good thing he seems to like his owners a little melodramatic and fruity. Happy Valentine's Day (belated), my sweet sweet boy. I wouldn't trade you for all the Secretariats in the world.

Snow...Yeah, That's All I've Got

Snow. 19 inches, to be precise. Also? Cold. Zero degrees, ridiculous wind chills.

Suffice it to say, I'm just trying to keep Miles fed (well, supplemented-his barn does a fine job of the basics. He's the best weight he's ever been, and I love it), blanketed, and un-injured this week. Hopefully the training/riding will pick up again this weekend. Or maybe the writing bug will hit and I'll be able to form interesting sentences and communicate somewhat coherently on one of the number of topics swimming through my head.

For now, though? I've got nothing. Survival mode is the best way I can describe my brain's MO lately. I will say I have just loved reading everyone's blogs. You all are amazing, and way more motivated and dedicated to the equine sport than I am currently. I can't wait to see what we're all up to when the weather is more suitable for human and beast to be working in:)

So keep it up~I'll get there, I promise. For now, though, this one is keeping me sane, as per usual. He says What's Up, Everyone. Or, you know, Neigh.

Momz not so tawkie lately, but she can't ignorz dis face.

Also, shout out to the awesome Natalie at Retired Racehorse Today for linking to my "I'm Not A Thoroughbred Person" post. She rocks at riding ON the track thoroughbreds, not to mention the off-track variety, her writing is superb and I love her new bloggy format. Even if you don't ride a TB I'll bet you anything you'll love her blog. Go visit her and make her famous so she can write a book and continue to promote the hell out of our beloved OTTBs. She's good people.

"I'm Not A Thoroughbred Person..."

That's what I used to think, and I probably even said it out-loud occasionally. Of course, I've since re-evaluated this position, and I've even written a blog post to dismiss the notion. It would be really easy for me to say I was just a "Chamie" person (my first horse, a QH/TB, or appendix Quarter Horse), or an "Ebony" person (my first full TB) or a "Miles" person (no descriptor needed;). Their breeds were incidental.

For the longest time I've had this idea in my head that I like calm horses. Very sane. Not unpredictable-a horse you can have fun with. Certainly ex-racehorses are the last thing that come to mind when you're looking for a horse you can count on to keep you safe.

Well, I'm here to tell you that's wrong. Hear me out.

First of all, the fact that all 3 of the horses I've owned in my life were TBs or half-TBs should say something about my level of ignorance and denial. The reason for such denial is this-I'm not a confident rider. I know, none of us are supposed to admit that, but there it is. I work on it everyday, and you know what? So do lots and lots of other riders. I have no hard facts whatsoever, but most of us have had bad falls, injuries, or at the very least real scares in our work with these large beasties. The fear, if you want to call it that, is always there-something bad could happen.

Of course, that doesn't stop us now, does it? ;) Just because I have a nagging in the back of my head reminding me of my mortality doesn't mean I don't absolutely love riding. It's a weird push-pull; life is short, so do what you love and live in the moment. Then the old survival instinct kicks in.

Naturally, then, one might conclude, "Well, if you're going to ride, and you don't have all the confidence of let's say, Lucinda Greene (eventer extraordinaire), perhaps you should at least ride a horse that decreases your chance of death". I hear this attitude everywhere, from various places on the Internet to some people I board with. Give me a good old Quarter Horse any day, they say.

To that I say you take your Quarter Horse, I'll take my TB. While I may not be brimming with confidence, I can usually fake it when things get a little hairy and I really need to, for Miles' sake. My TB may be a little spooky at times, but he has never offered a buck or a rear under saddle. After he settled into the routine at the barn, which took him about a month, he has been nothing but a gentleman to deal with on the ground. More than that, he has been a delight to work around, and to work with. His heart, and his try, are something I've never encountered in any horse I've ever ridden. He's so happy when he knows he's been a good boy. He loves to work, and to learn new things. While he can be lazy, I can always fix that by engaging his big TB brain with something interesting. I've never used spurs and never done more with my whip than tap his shoulder. I've had him for over a year now, and without a trainer we've progressed and improved together.

And you know what? He's not the exception. While of course I think he's special and amazing, most TBs are more like him and less like...whatever it is that "non-TB" people think they are.

Is he sensitive? Absolutely, and I wouldn't have it any other way. I have to be a good rider to ride him well. That same sensitivity, I believe, is also the reason we have bonded so well. We can read each other's needs to a certain extent and react accordingly. That sensitivity is also what keeps us safe in certain situations. I can't wait to see him in the woods-no, that's not a joke:)

Is he flighty and spooky occasionally? Sure. Still, it's very rare for him to spook, so rare that it's an event to blog about when it does happen. I've also found that I actually prefer this to a horse that offers a cow-hop or a buck when they don't feel like working on any given day. I honestly don't think Miles has ever considered such a thing-the only time I've seen him buck is when he's feeling good on the lunge (or he has sheath issues, ha ha).

Thoroughbreds, and OTTBs in particular do indeed have their own idiosyncrasies and quirks that other horses may not. Said another way, I don't think any other breed has their heart, their try, their love of "work"-why would you want to ride a horse that would rather be in the barn or their pasture? I dig the fact that Miles looks forward to hanging out with me, and he really is happiest in regular work. TBs require a light hand and a quiet ride, and experienced leadership above all. So, maybe they're not for everyone. Still, I wouldn't have This One any other way.

Yeah, I've used this pic before. Still, I loves it. Also, it was about 60 degrees warmer back then, siiiiigh.

Edited to add, in the harsh light of day: This post reads an awful lot like "Quarter Horses suck, TBs rule!" Sorry about that. I love me some Quarter Horses, really. This is a pro-TB post, not an anti-anything post.

Super Stylish Blog...If You Say So!

First thing's first...thank you to Denali's Mom and JJ (and now Gabriella, Ruffles and Laz's Mom!)for this:

Thank you, ladies. Apparently, I am to thank those that awarded me, post 7 things about myself, and award 15(!) other people.

I'm going to bend the rules a bit. First of all, everyone on my "Favorite Blogs" list to the right are deserving of this, and a lot more folks I follow are too...so I'm not going to list just 15-I don't like to ruffle feathers, and I really can't choose-I love y'all:)

Also, instead of listing 7 random things about me, I'm going to list things that I've been up to lately.

1) Not riding. Ugghhhhhhh....I hate it. It has either been super cold or super snowy or both, OR my husband and I have been taking little mini vacays (see #2). It's not like it's been forever-maybe a week and a half, but I still feel awful. I have been going out to the barn to see Miles and feed him his beet pulp/alfalfa stew, and lunge him sometimes, but I haven't ridden in waaay too long. The good thing? That this is a rarity. This time last year I would go weeks without riding and it would be no biggie. Still, I don't want to go back to that. I would like to remedy this tomorrow, though of course another cold snap is on it's way, grrr.

2) Kyle and I went to Traverse City this weekend to take advantage of a free night at Great Wolf Lodge, free massage (see #3) and shop. It was a great time, even though it was just over a weekend. I discovered a wonderful little tack shop called Red Hare Tack and Togs (I couldn't find a website but this is their Facebook page). Miles got a beautiful, padded white show saddle pad (which is taunting me b/c I can't use it!!!). It's super well made and gorgeous, with piping around the edges, for 20 buck. Are you kidding me?? It's the best pad I've ever gotten for that price! So nice. Never you mind that I already have way too many saddle pads.
Also, while in the city, a certain kind and generous and awesome Ms. Wendy who writes From Racehorse To Showhorse donated some really nice, very lightly used stacker standards for our quest to conquer the cross rail jumping world! Thank you, thank you Wendy!!

3) Oh, my sweet massage. So, something I haven't written about yet on this blog is that I have been having lower back pain...some days nothing, other days it really, really hurts. I knew it was something muscular/skeletal, because it felt fine when sitting or laying down, but if I started to power walk (as I do when I walk the dogs) oy, the pain would almost knock me down some days, and it's definitely gotten worse. So, Kyle and I went to Living Light Massage on Saturday, and my masseuse told me it was my sciatic nerve. This tiny bird of a girl who can't have weighed more than 110 lbs proceeded to pound that damn nerve into submission for an hour. It hurt like hell at some moments (though of course the massage was wonderful overall), and afterward she told me what stretches I should be doing. Today? It feels like a million bucks, no joke. I was sore as hell immediately after she was done but my back didn't hurt like it has been. I hope it lasts, but she did recommend regular massages for that area. Hmmm, I could live with that:)

4) My barn has scheduled twilight shows for June. I never did get Miles and I out to any of them last summer (I had good reasons, I swear! Although I can't remember them now...). Still, I'm excited to get him out there and show off our mad skillz. Or at least, our pretty white show saddle pad:) There also may be a clinic coming up by one of the judges in the area that I would LOOOOVE to go to. Actual instruction?!? Sign me up!

Ok, 4 items, 7 items, what's the difference? ;) This is what I've been up to. Yeah, the winter, mid-January doldrums are in full effect, there's no avoiding them. Still, this time of year, I find if I can focus on the next day, and the things I'm looking forward to, that helps me get through whatever present muck I have to trudge through. Happy winter, y'all.

In Treatment-Equine Edition

Thank you, again, everyone, for your sweet comments and emails. Every single one was lovely. There is still something...not quite right about day to day life without the dog I've had since I was 19 years old, but it's getting there. A new normal and all that.

Anyway. Tonight I rode Miles for the first time in a week. A year ago that was par for the course, but there's usually a reason if I don't get on him at least 3 times a week these days.

I've still been going out to the barn, though. I know you all know how amazing horses are for healing after something rocks your life. This is the first...life altering thing I've faced with Miles though. Tough times? We've done them, and he helped me then, too. There's something incredibly healing about Barn Time, though. I think it messes with the space-time continuum or something. Anyway, here's what it does for me.

It's been great the last few days to just go out to the barn, warm water in a gallon jug in tow. Mix up magikal beet pulp/alfalfa mash. Go out to the pasture where Miles (and usually LaShore) is waiting, ears up, nickering softly. The last couple of days chores at the barn were done early, and Miles had his nose deep in 2nd cutting hay-and he STILL walked over to me when I opened the gate. Sweet boy. I'm sure it has nothing to do with what comes next...

I bring him in and he slurps down his mash, some days with more gusto than others. I pull his blanket off and do our grooming ritual. I love the difference between his slick coat beneath the blanket and his fuzzy, teddy bear fur on his neck. I laugh when he takes breaks from his mash to sniff my hand for something yummier, or to snorfle my hair, leaving a big wet goober trail behind.

This ritual is better than medication, meditation, yoga, or just about any kind of therapy I can think of. I don't exist in my head when I'm at the barn. I'm very much in the moment. Even when doing something that comes automatically, like picking out his feet, I swear my mind is either calm and blank or thinking about that hoof-is it clean and smelling good? Was that crack there last week? I should probably do his thrush treatment just in case since it's been awhile....on and on. It may sound monotonous, but it's not. There is something wonderful about caring for a horse that lets you block out everything else without even trying. There is no world outside the barn. Let's put it this way-it's literally the only place I go without my cell phone, unless of course I want to take grainy pictures or video.

So, it's been nice just existing in peace with my pony. Last night I lunged him and tonight I rode. He's been great-a little ouchy yesterday after his recent trim, but much better with his Cavallo boots on tonight. He takes awhile to warm up still, but we ended the ride with him moving forward and relaxed, happy that a little mare came to join him for a lesson in the big scary nighttime indoor (daytime indoor is apparently completely safe).

A little birdie told me that we will be getting a couple plastic Block-type standards for ground poles to continue our quest to be Best Cross Rail Jumpers Ever. Until then, I'm happy to just Be, in the one place I'm able, with my favorite Furry Thoroughbred Goober.

If he was smart he would start charging me by the hour. I think the least I can do is bake him some of his favorite horse cookies for Christmas, to thank him for his services.

Professur Milez sayz ur tyme is up.

When It's Literally 5 Degrees Outside...

...with a windchill of -11...

...and it's Monday morning (or Tuesday; let's face it, both days suck!) at 6:30 am, dark as hell outside and you're the ONLY being in the house that has to drag herself out of bed. Not even the cats are harassing you with their usual calls for Fancy Feast Fake Meat breakfast. The dogs don't even notice you're up and of course the husband is still snoring away in a warm bed with fresh, clean, wonderful flannel sheets you put on the night before...

...and your ancient dog finally tells you under no uncertain terms she can't go for these walks with you and the young Goldens anymore, at least in this weather (and you worry maybe never). No matter how slow you walk for her, she sits down, unable to go any farther and looks at you with a face that breaks your heart...

...and you coax the ancient dog (plus 2 overly energetic and confused Goldens) home, yelling at the still sleeping husband who works from home (and to whom you make a daily effort not to hold this fact against him) to walk the boys when he gets up as you climb into a freezing cold truck to navigate moron drivers and ice patches on the expressway during rush hour...

...and you spend 8 plus hours navigating the quirks of a ridiculous office software program, all while getting pissy emails from various parties and talking to even pissier people on the phone, who are usually irritated about things you have less than zero control over...

...and you drag your ass home, repeat the frigid Walk of Death (this time with only the 2 Goldens), racked with guilt the whole time that the ancient dog is left at home...

...and you get BACK into the cold truck to repeat the moron drivers/ice and snow patch avoidance game...

All to get a dose of this

It makes everything (everything) worth it.

...and you return home, kiss your husband, romp with the Goldens in the back yard while the ancient dog watches, wagging her tail and occassionally barking, and then you come back inside to hunker down with your beloved under a blanket with some hot tea (ahem, or something stronger), and you smile, because it's been a good day.

Barbie's Dream House

My friend JB is doing some Internet meme, and one of the things she has to do is describe her ideal house. So of course I started thinking...

First of all, I could kinda care less about the house. Sure, something bigger than our tiny 700 square foot house would be super. Something with 2 bathrooms, for sure;) Maybe an old renovated farm house. Then again, especially having a very elderly dog now, I can appreciate something on one main floor, with a big, open floor plan. Either way, give me a wrap around, gigantic porch, definitely. Attached garage would be a nice touch.

Really though, of course I'm thinking property, and barns. I think my ideal farm would have 6 12x14 stalls...not because I ever want 6 horses of my own (yipe), but because it allows room for 1 or 2 (or 3 even) boarders....I would never want to run a "boarding stable", but I've come to know and love some great equestrians and their horses, so if any of these folks needed a barn I would love to have them. Also, let's face it...neither my husband nor most of my friends ride. I'm going to get lonely;)

If not boarders, or even in addition to, I would love to take in the occasional rehab or foster horse...to be able to give horses a chance at a life that otherwise may end up who knows where would be amazing. Since we're officially in make-believe land, I'm going to say it's no longer necessary for me to work full-time in office hell, so I'll have all (or most...I'll compromise on something part-time) of the day to devote to the Equine Greater Good. Of course riding my own horses as well. Hey! Speaking of....

Of course Miles is coming with. Also, I shall have an older (between 10 and 16 years or so) Andalusian. Hey, don't judge, I've wanted this forever. Said Andalusian, preferably a gelding, shall be a trail/pleasure horse extraordinaire. Other than that, his only other requirement is that he can be pastured with Miles. Some minor soundness issues are OK...again, I really just want a ridiculously gorgeous trail horse.

If you have 2 horses, what's one more, right? Here's where I'd like to adopt an older horse, or something that needs a good home and is safe and reasonably sound. Said horse should also be able to be pastured with Miles and dream Andalusian. Also, ridiculously, super safe...like, I can put my friends and their kids on him/her and go for a ride. No age, breed or height requirements...just a good ol' plug, who can be pulled out of the pasture once every week or two.

No matter how often any of my horses are ridden though, they will all be loved and groomed and fussed over daily. What a great way to spend my days...

So, those are the horses. Can I also have a goat or 2? Maybe a miniature donkey? Yes? Super!

As far as the barn layout, I'm still thinking about that. I'd love to have 3 stalls on each side of the barn aisle that open up into their own large paddock/small pasture, where the horses can come into at night and have the choice to go into their stalls (maybe the stalls could have partitions that could be removed to make them into a shelter?). Then, in the mornings I could open up their small pasture into a large one...large enough to keep them at grass all summer, ideally. This would allow for separate mare/gelding pastures. It would be nice to have a large paddock/small pasture at one end of the barn for new/recovering horses as well. Obviously a tack room, feed area and hay loft would be necessary.

I really like Electro-Braid fencing...it's safe and looks nice. I admit that I don't know a ton about fencing and the pros and cons of everything out there, though, and I would need to do more research. For sure, no high tensile wire or post and board (horses seem to chew those no matter what, and you spend a ton of time on repairs).

The stalls should all have a window into the aisle of the barn, so the horses can stick their heads out and see the goings on. It really helps those that are laid up on stall rest I think.

Still in la-la land? Great! Then I would also like an indoor and outdoor riding arena, natch. I would love to have shade trees in the outdoor as well.

Don't forget lots of outdoor riding and trails...maybe some natural jumps. I think that about does it! Sooooo not much to ask, right? :)

Anyway, there it is. Actually, no matter what the actual facility looks like, what I mostly fantasize about is what day to day life would be like with my own farm. Waking up at 7 and walking down to the barn with the dogs, coffee cup in hand. Seeing Miles EVERY day, and hearing him neigh as I approach. Scooping grain and supplements, filling water troughs and throwing hay. Even picking poop...I honestly would love it all.

Yes. Give me a view like this every day, over an ocean or a golf course or whatever, any day of the week.

Can I have Ebony back (far right) on my dream farm too?

Miles said he want LaShore to come too, please.

What about you guys? Is having your horse at home (if you don't already) a dream of yours? What does your farm look like?

What Is It With Ponies?

Miles is completely obsessed with a 3 year old Paso Fino at our barn. I don't know exactly how tall he is, but he's definitely under 14.3 hands and very petite...also extremely adorable. He's got this ridiculously full mane and forelock which just adds to his charm.

The first week he was at the barn Miles was a naughty boy every time he caught sight of the cute Paso. Whinnying, head in the air silliness ensued. Thankfully, he's adjusted; still, even today he continues to be fascinated by him. The Paso and his owner came into the indoor as we were working, and Miles was all arched neck, prancy trot, and practically begging me to let him go over to sniff the tiny equine. Honestly, I cannot imagine the inappropriateness that would ensue if Miles was actually allowed to make contact...I'm thinking it would not be pleasant for tiny Paso:) Then again, maybe all Miles wants to do is follow him around and stare adoringly, who knows? I'm not super eager to test the odds, though.

Aside from that excitement (and it really wasn't all that exciting-Miles settled down and we had a really nice ride today), there's not much happening. I'm still working him over poles-it's been busy at the barn lately so I haven't been able to drag out the jump standards and poles like I've wanted to. If I don't get them for Christmas, I'm planning on buying these or these, which will beat lugging around those heavy wood standards any day. Another boarder at the barn jumps with her horse, and we're going to try to set up a time to do some cavaletti exercises together some day soon. I'm really looking forward to that! She's also got a Dr. Cook's bridle she said I could try anytime I wanted:) I board with some awesome peeps.

Miles has been lovely, especially considering the cold snap we've had in the last week. He is taking longer to warm up, but usually by the end of our ride he's moving forward and freely. He's not been unruly or fresh because of the colder weather, which I appreciate. He's such a good thoroughbred...just a joy to be around, and to ride. It's feeling good to make real progress with him.

This week, and actually this whole month is going to be crazy with holiday business...I haven't even started shopping, so I have to change that soon. My husband and I have been down to one car for awhile now, but it's making getting out to the barn lately that much more challenging.

It's a good thing I have such a great reason to go.

Miles models his Schnieder's heavyweight turnout. He particularly likes this shade of blue. He told me so.

Sorrow and Gratitude

We all have challenges in life, yes? If you find your life to be relatively drama and difficulty-free at any given moment, it can change in a heartbeat. This is where I find myself, and this reality is never far from my mind.

Right now, as Thanksgiving approaches, I'm feeling especially grateful and humbled by my life...and I'm trying my damnedest to appreciate it and soak it in as things can change like that-in fact, that kind of change is quite inevitable.

My family and I are relatively healthy. My husband and I continue to be each other's best friend, and no one makes me laugh more when I need it than he does. Today he walked the dogs twice for me and cleaned the entire house-most days he is everything I need in a partner. All of our animals are healthy and happy, and we've finally solved Mojo's mystery illness. Her arthritis continues to progress, but other than that she is a very robust and sturdy 14 year old dog.

Miles, of course, continues to be my comfort and joy. We had the briefest of rides today, as the temperature dropped about 30 degrees in 24 hours. The most fun I had was feeding him his beet pulp and hay cubes, and tucking him into his blanket before turning him out. He totally loves to be pampered and fussed over, and I'm always happy to oblige. After he was done eating he stood in the aisle while I cleaned the last of the mud off him, dressed his hooves and gave him his MTG treatment. His eyelids grew heavy and he was sooooo sleepy and adorable. I can't even describe how much his health and happiness directly affect my own outlook...when I'm at the barn, it's everything to me. On those couple of days a week I don't see him I miss him more and more. Hmmm, maybe it's time to really look at moving to the country. I can't imagine waking up everyday and being able to walk down to the barn and see my boy. It doesn't get much better than that.

These last couple of weeks have been so difficult for some of the people I know and love. Two people I know (either in person or in bloggy land) have or are having to put their much loved horses down-these are "heart" horses, and it's devastating to their owners no matter what the circumstances. Others I know have had to accept that their horse must be retired or semi-retired for the foreseeable future. Some people are struggling with their horse's chronic lameness, unable to ride much or ride at all. Finally, a friend lost her dog to a heart condition last night-totally unexpectedly. My heart breaks for all those suffering...it's so damn unfair and the pain and sorrow can feel overwhelming. Often it leads to depression, where every aspect of life seems impossible. It doesn't get much worse than that.

No one knows why bad things happen to some people and good things happen to others-although I tend to think we all take our turns on the merry-go-round of the highs and lows of life. Many people believe God has a plan for all of us, and even in the midst of great pain there is always a reason for suffering, even if we can't know it. I honestly wish I could believe that...it's much more comforting than believing everything in life is random, and there is no rhyme or reason to bad or good things happening to people. Having said that, I'm not sure there isn't something in the universe-karma, whatever-that ultimately "balances" things out. Who knows.

I suppose this is the ultimate rambling post. Things are going well in my tiny corner of the world, and I recognize how fleeting it may be and am so, so happy and filled with gratitude that things are how they are for me and mine right now. My heart goes out to those who are struggling, hurting, sad, desperate, lonely and angry. I can only hope (and I really believe) things do eventually get better-hours turn into days into weeks into months. The sharp pain turns into a dull ache. Eventually it can disappear altogether, and you will also be feeling gratitude for yourself and your loved ones, for your life, once again.